When I was born, Hospitals weren't a thing
You whippersnappers with you wonky gidgy-gadgets and your sanitized hospitals. Well, when I was born several tens of thousands of years ago(give or take a few centuries) there was no such thing. Even if their had been, it is doubtful they would admit a pregnant rock. Well since my mother was a magical stone atop a mountain on the isle of Flowers and Fruit, no doctors were attendant. You see, my mother exposed to powerful energy from the heavens, covered in potent fungi, and caressed by the wind developed a magical womb. Took a little longer than your average nine months, but eventually a stone egg(that is me!) was released. The egg grew and grew, until it was the size of boulder, and as it was torn asunder I emerged in all my glory. Though I myself was made of stone, I was like any other monkey. For days after my birth, my eyes shined like gold. Their radiance was so great that on heaven, the Jade Emperor was blinded in one of his meetings. So when he sent someone to check out the 'mysteriously awesome golden beams', he learned of me. Eventually the light began to fade from my retinas(I was tired of not being able to see anything anyways) I got up and moved around. So ends the tale of my birth. What, why do you sit there so confused? What more I do I need to say?
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